“As we continue upriver, we move farther and farther away from the world I know, and toward someone else’s. It’s thrilling to not know where you’re going.”
~ Anthony Bourdain, World Travel: An Irreverent Guide
Reflection:
God, I miss Anthony Bourdain.
It was around Y2K when I moved “back home” to California. I considered it going home, even though I had been in Texas for about 9 years at the time and my parents were still here, yet I was restless. I had completed my undergraduate degree at Baylor and had finished up my first year of post-baccalaureate work when, after a break up, I needed to do something different. So I packed up my car, turned the Good Will Hunting soundtrack on, and started westward towards the coast with Elliot Smith’s thin-voiced melancholy ringing out.
That was the last time I remember truly taking a big risk. Even though I felt like I was going back to some familiarity, the truth was San Diego would be a new place and a fresh start. Other than my sister and brother-in-law I didn’t know anybody. It was somebody else’s world that I was moving toward, and it was thrilling.
Comfort can be unsettling. Even harmful at times.
Is it possible to be too comfortable?
I think so.
Case in point.
There’s a spot on my couch that is permanently shaped to my ass.
No, really.
For the last number of years at Dell I was completely remote. In the years leading up to the pandemic, when nearly EVERYONE was mandated to work from home, I had the option to go into work and often chose not to. I was exhausted, burnt out, emotionally drained from a career that I felt like I never really chose for myself, and hanging on to a marriage that would inevitably, albeit amicably, extinguish.
But I was, more or less, comfortable.
I would be on my laptop camped out in “my spot” on the couch for 6-8 hours a day 5 days a week. To call my life sedentary would be generous. I was a fixture. I was statuesque in all the wrong ways. If it wasn’t for fatherhood and a two story house I probably would have gained WAY more weight than I did. I would not realize until much later that I had “comforted” my way into about 25% power in my left hip flexor due to my default settings. I rarely moved.
I’m still recovering from my comfort.
I don’t remember what happened to kick me out of that malaise of tepid stagnation. Perhaps it was getting divorced a second time or maybe it was the pandemic itself that nudged me ever-so-slightly forward. I do know that by the time I was laid off in February of 2023 I was ready for a change…so in many ways that was a welcome push towards a destination that had not previously been on the map I had for myself. I regret not being more ready for that, and I’m still feeling the effects of it, but that’s not the point of THIS story. It’s funny how insecure one feels when their security blanket is yanked off of them.
Imagine that.
In small ways, prior to getting laid off, I had begun to exercise both my physical need for movement and stretching, as well as my emotional and spiritual need for it. I began walking and dieting, learning Tarot and studying Buddhism. I began to treat my relationships different than I had before, and made some substantial changes in how I would navigate that part of my life.
In the last year and a half I started moving in waters previously uncharted. I’m working on my teaching certificate and will be in a classroom come August, and I am both ecstatic and petrified. I had always thought that teaching wasn’t my path so I never considered it…but here I am as a 50 year old, twice divorced, completely broke, single dad, getting ready to be a public school teacher.
So many of our teachers are running away from the vocation like the house fire that it truly is and I am running towards it?
Remind me, why am I doing this?
Oh…because sometime’s it’s thrilling (and necessary) to “not know where you’re going.” I have to move forward, no matter what. Even if it’s into the scary-as-shit unknown. Thank you AB for reminding me what it means to be alive.
Intention:
Join me in this intention:
Today I intentionally sidestep my normal routine moving towards a more exciting and challenging future.
Meditation:
Embracing New Beginnings
Find a comfortable position and close your eyes. Take a few deep breaths, inhaling slowly and exhaling completely. Allow your body to relax with each breath.
Imagine yourself standing at the edge of a thick forest. A canopy of branches and leaves invite you forward stretching out before you as far as the eye can see. In the distance, a gentle breeze rustles the leaves of a towering oak tree.
Notice any feelings that arise within you as you stand at this threshold. Are you curious? Excited? Maybe a little nervous? Acknowledge these feelings without judgment.
Now, turn your attention to the oak tree. Its branches seem to beckon you, inviting you to explore the unknown forest.
Visualize yourself taking a step forward into the forest. Feel the carpet of grass, rocks, and moss beneath your feet and the warmth of the sun on your skin.
Imagine encountering a small path winding through the towering trees. It seems to lead deeper into the wood, towards new possibilities.
Do you choose to follow the path? Notice any hesitation or resistance within yourself.
If you choose to follow the path, what do you see or experience? Perhaps you encounter a hidden stream, a meadow of wildflowers, or even a friendly animal.
Allow yourself to be open to whatever unfolds on your journey.
Spend some time exploring the wildwood in your mind's eye. Notice how you feel as you step outside your comfort zone.
When you're ready, gently bring your awareness back to your breath. Take a few more deep breaths and slowly open your eyes.
Carry this sense of openness and curiosity with you as you go about your day. Reflect on the new experiences you might be willing to try and the steps you can take to embrace the unknown.
Remember, stepping outside your comfort zone can be a source of growth and joy. Trust your intuition and take the first step towards a new adventure.
Cultivation:
Here are 3 questions to ask yourself about venturing towards the unknown.
What new experiences have been calling to me lately?
What holds me back from trying new things?
Is it a fear of failure, a lack of confidence, or simply the comfort of routine?
Appreciation:
I'm grateful for the courage to embark on this new path and the exciting possibilities it holds, and I'm thankful for the opportunity to learn and grow as I venture into this uncharted territory.