“I thought yesterday was the first day of the rest of my life but it turns out today is.”
~ Steve Martin
Reflection:
TL;DR Your present moment is the only RIGHT moment to move towards your goals, destination, and purpose!
I’ve always thought that I was broken when it came to relationships.
I would be involved with someone I truly cared about, and there would be a bump or a breakup, and I would just keep going. I figured if they were interested in me they would say or do something about it, but as for me…I wasn’t going to be the chaser. Maybe that was me at a young age living into the non-traditional gender roles of relationships dynamics? I’ve never been very good at being the pursuer. It’s not that I’m not romantic either, I LOVE LOVE! I really enjoy doing things that, I think, from the outside looking in are perceived of as me “in pursuit”. To me it was just showing my affection.
I’m not sure if my approach to relationships was just REALLY REALLY healthy, or if my inherent aptitude for detachment was maybe too much?
I’ve never felt desperate for relationships. I can count on three fingers the times I’ve cried over the loss of a relationship…and at least one of those was in regards to the loss of close relationships with my children. I honestly don’t mean that in any negative way towards my exes, but at some point it felt healthier to be detached than not.
Detachment, in my mind, can often be seen as aloof and uncaring…but the way I live it I HOPE it is exactly the opposite. I try to be in the moment with whomever I am with at the time, regardless if it’s a romantic partner or a friend or a family member. They get all of me in that space. I don’t spend a lot of time wishing things different, I try to figure out how to fully live in the now. As my spiritual mentor Steve Martin would say, “I’ve got to keep breathing. It’ll be my worst business mistake if I don’t.” I move into the new day with as fresh a start as I can muster.
More on regret and worry…
Regret and worry, two insidious emotions, often cast long shadows over our lives. They are the architects of our anxieties, constructing elaborate mental prisons where we dwell on past mistakes or future uncertainties.
Regret, inherently a backward-facing emotion, focuses on decisions made, opportunities missed, and paths not taken. Worry, on the other hand, is a forward-looking shadow, conjuring up hypothetical scenarios of misfortune with little to no bearing on fact.
The interplay between regret and worry can be a vicious cycle. Regret can fuel worry about making similar mistakes in the future, while worry can lead to regret over decisions made in anticipation of potential negative outcomes.
Together, regret and worry can paralyze us, preventing us from fully engaging in the present moment.
However, it's essential to recognize that both regret and worry are, in essence, forms of attachment. We cling to the past or future, rather than embracing the present. By cultivating mindfulness and acceptance, we can begin to loosen the grip of these emotions. It's not about denying the existence of regret or worry but rather about understanding their nature and limiting their power over us.
Learning from past mistakes without being consumed by them is a crucial step in personal growth. Worry, on the other hand, can often be mitigated through planning and preparation. But excessive worry serves no practical purpose and can hinder our ability to live fully.
Ultimately, the key to overcoming regret and worry lies in finding a balance between reflecting on the past and embracing the future. By living in the present moment, with gratitude and awareness, we can reduce the influence of these emotions and create a more fulfilling life.
Intention:
Today, I choose to be fully present in this moment. I release the grip of the past and future, allowing myself to experience life as it unfolds. With open awareness, I will engage with the world around me, savoring each sensation and connection.
Meditation:
Be Here Now
Find a comfortable seated position, allowing your body to relax. Take a few deep breaths, feel your body grounding to the earth.
Bring your attention to your breath. Observe the rise and fall of your chest, without judgment. As thoughts arise, acknowledge them without getting caught up in them. Let them pass like clouds in the sky.
Now, shift your focus to your body. Scan your physical sensations, from your head to your toes. Notice any tension or discomfort, and gently release it with each exhale.
Imagine your mind as a clear lake. As thoughts arise, picture them as ripples on the water's surface. Watch them form and dissipate without disturbing the stillness beneath.
Focus on the present moment. This is the only time that truly exists. Let go of regrets about the past and worries about the future. Embrace this exact moment, with all its imperfections and beauty.
When you’re ready, gently open your eyes, carrying the sense of peace and presence with you throughout your day.
Cultivation:
Part of the challenge in releasing regret and worry is the inevitable uncertainty that challenges us. We can exercise our mindfulness muscles by practicing these skills. Here are just a few things we can focus on:
Embrace Uncertainty
Risk-Taking: Stepping outside your comfort zone can lead to unexpected opportunities and growth.
Flexibility: Be open to change and adapt to new situations gracefully.
Trust in the Process: Believe that things happen for a reason, even if it's not immediately apparent.
Learn from the Past
Post-Mortem Analysis: Reflect on past experiences without dwelling on them. Identify lessons learned.
Forgive Yourself: Let go of past mistakes and focus on personal growth.
Set Realistic Goals: Learn from past failures to set achievable targets for the future.
Plan for the Future Without Obsessing
Goal Setting: Define clear objectives to provide direction without causing undue stress.
Break Down Goals: Divide large goals into smaller, manageable steps.
Celebrate Milestones: Acknowledge achievements to boost motivation and reduce pressure.
Remember, it's a journey, not a destination. Progress, not perfection, is the key. By incorporating these practices into your life, you can significantly reduce the impact of regret and worry.
Appreciation:
I am grateful for the lessons worry and regret have taught me. They have shown me the importance of living in the present moment, of cherishing each day, and of finding peace within myself. Through these experiences, I have cultivated resilience, compassion, and a deeper appreciation for life's journey.