Quote:
"We think we listen, but very rarely do we listen with real understanding, true empathy. Yet listening, of this very special kind, is one of the most potent forces for change that I know." ~ Carl Rogers
My Thoughts:
Carl Rogers, if you are unfamiliar with him, is widely known as being one of the founders of humanistic psychology and the innovator behind the “client centered” therapeutic method. For Rogers, the relationship between patient and therapist was a key ingredient to breakthrough and recovery. He held in high esteem the gift of empathy, considering it a “complex, demanding, strong yet subtle and gentle way of being.”
It’s interesting though, in this article it is suggested that when the medical and psychological establishment picked up his ideas and began implementing them as “skills” to be learned and used, he became frustrated to the point that he stopped talking about empathic listening for quite a while. Why did he react that way?
Simply put, when he saw how empathic listening and the use of “reflections” were being utilized as a tool, rather than a foundational energetic way of being, he could see the manipulation behind it. Keep in mind, he was writing this in 1975 - when the Cold War and Spiritual Freedom of the moment were steeped in ideas of mind control, cults, and brainwashing. He could see the shadow. He could see the dark side of empathy as a skill to be learned and a way to get what you want, rather than what it is at its core…a way of being that allows two people to understand each other at a deep level.
I think this understanding of empathy as an energetic foundation, and not JUST a skill that can be learned, is fundamental to our moving forward as co-laborers with each other as we live life together.
Intention:
“Today I will listen more and talk less. I will be a safe space for anyone that needs one.”
Meditation:
Field trip!!!
For this meditation I am going to suggest you go somewhere that you will be surrounded by people, but comfortable. It could be a coffee shop, library, or perhaps the park or a community space. Keep in mind, this exercise is NOT intended as a way to “listen in” on people’s private conversations, it is a way to practice listening for a long period of time.
Get yourself into a comfortable position and close your eyes. You may want to set a timer on your phone for ~10 minutes or so (or longer, if you can bear it!).
Close your eyes.
Listen.
Again, this is NOT to listen specifically to conversations around you…but to train your mind and body to pay attention to what you are hearing, and if your mind wants to interject and interrupt, you gently bring it back to the anchor of sound. Quiet and deep listening needs to start with our own comfort with silencing OUR OWN MIND in deference to what we are attempting to pay attention to.
Breathe, relax, and listen.
Cultivation:
When was the last time you set aside an intentional space to just listen to one of your loved ones? Perhaps your child has been having difficulty with friends or at school? Maybe your spouse or significant other is dealing with health concerns or financial anxiety? You could reach out to that friend that you haven't talked to in a long time, why don’t you do that…and listen to what they have to say? Create intentional space to just listen.
No judgment. No advice giving. No commentary.
Just listen.
Appreciation:
This is the time when we allow ourselves to be nurtured the way we nurture others. Give gratitude to that person in your life that allows you to vent. Tell them how much you appreciate them. And if you don’t really have that person, find your closest confidant and ASK them for this type of engagement. Heck, if you need someone to listen…let me know and I will be that person for you.
Sometimes we don’t ACTUALLY know what we each need or want unless we ask for it.
So go ahead, ask to be heard.
Speak up for yourself to be LISTENED to.