Quote:
“If the person you are talking to doesn't appear to be listening, be patient. It may simply be that he has a small piece of fluff in his ear.” ~ A.A. Milne, Winnie-the-Pooh
My thoughts:
On February 12th I began substitute teaching.
I’ll be completely honest, I was terrified the night before. I was worried that I’d do or say something wrong or maybe even get frustrated and angry with the students. I even had a flashback to my single instance of a panic attack more than 17 years ago, anxious that something like that might happen again I did not sleep well that night.
When I woke up in the morning I turned on some calming music and prepared myself for the day. In a moment of clarity I looked at myself in the mirror and repeated the simple statement, “You’re there to keep them safe for the day, and to support the teacher in their work.” Or, another way to say it, “Nobody dies or goes missing on my watch!” So I released some of the stress I had been holding by recognizing that my responsibility for the students began and ended with that simple mission.
On Monday I had a 4th grade class that was notoriously (as told by other teachers) challenging and on Tuesday I covered a 1st grade class at my daughter’s school that had a similar reputation. I kept my head up and my attitude cool as best as I could. It wasn’t until the following Monday, at a district Substitute Teacher training and orientation, that we had a larger conversation about classroom management and behavior.
One thing stuck out to me in that training. The facilitator said something very simple, yet profound. “There is no such thing as a non-communicative student. They are ALWAYS telling you something. Whether it’s through words or actions, they are continually communicating with you.”
I took that to heart.
I also started thinking about that approach outside of the classroom, and into my exchanges with people everywhere. While not excusing bad actors and intentionally aggressive behavior by others, it is a good thing to remember that, more often than not, our main barrier to understanding is our own patience to understand. If we approach our relationships and exchanges with strangers with patience, kindness, humility, and empathy we will almost always come away with a certain level of understanding that we did not have before!
Maybe that person just has fluff in their ear that they are unaware of.
Intention:
Join me in this very simple intention:
Today I will be patient in my communication.
I will allow empathy to guide my curiosity,
and I will assume the BEST in others.
Meditation:
We don’t always exercise one of the more challenging modes of meditation because we’re intimidated by it or we think we should be GOOD at it right away…LISTENING.
Find a spot that is not completely quiet, but not too crazy and sit comfortably.
Close your eyes or shift them down towards the ground in a soft gaze.
Set a time if you like, or just allow yourself to be in the moment.
Listen.
Listen for voices and conversations.
Recognize them, but don’t intentionally listen in…that’s just creepy.
Allow the voices to become a part of the soundscape.
After a few moments move your awareness to a different sound.
It could be the wind blowing through the leaves on the trees, or birds in the distance.
It could even be the drone of traffic on a nearby street.
Just listen.
Everything you hear is an indication of life and energy.
The life and energy of your neighborhood or city, even the earth at large, desires and requires our respect.
We receive and allow it to just sit in our awareness, no judgment or opinion required.
We practice this meditation as an acknowledgement that our ability to listen is a gift.
Cultivation:
I’ve been thinking about taking my 6 ft portable table to a busy intersection in my downtown area, a place that might have a lot of foot traffic. I’m going to make a sign, “FREE LISTENING, NO JUDGMENT OR RESPONSE”.
I’m interested to see who takes me up on that challenge.
Appreciation:
Lately I’ve been thinking about appreciation as something that allows me to consider my past successes and failures without judgment, and without pulling them in to the present where they don’t belong. How could we do that here?
Perhaps we can exercise gratitude for those moments where we felt heard and validated, even if we were in a challenging moment ourselves. I think it’s very easy to dismiss folks that are dealing with heightened emotions, but if we ignore them and they continue to go unheard do we really feel that we are benefitting them? And, of course, when we are the recipient of that cold shoulder we will ALWAYS take offense to it. Be grateful that somebody took the time and energy to listen to you, and PAY IT FORWARD yourself when you encounter someone who needs that same respect.