Week 17: The Mindful Empath's Almanac
April 21, 2024 to April 27, 2024
Quote:
“To me, “FEARLESS” is not the absence of fear. It’s not being completely unafraid. To me, FEARLESS is having fears. FEARLESS is having doubts. Lots of them. To me, FEARLESS is living in spite of those things that scare you to death.... Letting go is FEARLESS. Then, moving on and being alright…That’s FEARLESS too. But no matter what love throws at you, you have to believe in it…. That’s why I write these songs. Because I think love is FEARLESS.”
~ Taylor Swift
Reflection:
Taylor Swift has entered the chat.
No apologies, I am 100% a Swiftie.
I think she embodies some very important lesson that we all can learn.
This quote is, of course, referencing her album Fearless.
While she hits on some important things to consider, the big idea for me is that fear is not something to be avoided, but harnessed.
I wrote about fear not too long ago, here are my thoughts:
About fear.
We mustn't let it make our decisions for us.
It can be wise counsel, in order to discern safety and appropriate reaction, but while we are in the midst of the initial wave of the emotion it is an eager combatant.
In the grand scheme of things we will notice a shift in direction, a flow perhaps, towards something more whole than what we are currently experiencing. I've noticed that this movement is always towards love, and the fullness that divine grace gives us.
It is not the way of fear.
Fear, when present and potent, will always seek to secure the self first, then tribe, leaving any others on the outside looking in. But these "others" are often NOT actually threatening your safety, they are acting out of fear themselves.
I've said this a lot lately, we should not bypass the emotion only to ignore its instruction.
We should look at fear, observe it, hold it up and turn it, perceive it from where another might see it through the power of empathy.
We know that there is something that is striking the chord of fear within many in our country right now, and that fear is being put in the driver's seat when, at best, it should be riding shotgun.
A hard truth...we cannot convince someone to leave their fear behind or tell them that it's not something to be fearful about. Why would we suggest that someone else bypass their emotion, when we've committed ourselves to lean in to ours?
One of the main principles of Polyvagal Theory (it's fascinating, look it up!) is that we will ONLY enter into a space of empathy and connection AFTER we've assessed our safety first. This isn't just physical safety, but psychoemotional as well.
We must be willing to strip away the barbed wire and remove the land mines in our public and private discourse in order to get to a place of safety, so that we can begin to see the energy of empathy unleash its power.
This is where the challenge lies.
I know that there are folks on "both sides" of the present divide in American politics today that are truly interested and willing to usher in an era of peace, unity, and understanding. But we must allow ourselves to be stripped bare of the ego that got us there.
Unfortunately I so often only hear about empathy from one side of the battle.
Why is that?
I'm afraid it's because, for some, the real danger to their current ideology lies not in the laws and policies of the other, but of the willingness to seek out the voices of folks that have historically been marginalized in these discussions..
Friends, if the lesson of grace guides us towards unity with each other, how could it not unite us in our shared humanity?
Truly I tell you, the Kin-dom of God is AT HAND.
There are seats at the table for everyone, we lack in nothing.
And, we are not in danger when we extend the invitation to EVERYone.
Intention:
Join me in this intention:
Today I acknowledge the presence of fear, but I will not let it dictate my actions. I will use fear as a signal to be cautious, but I will also trust my intuition and move forward with courage in the face of uncertainty.
Meditation:
To listen to the following meditation in audio form, please play below.
Bring your attention to the present moment. Notice any sounds around you, the feeling of your body against the chair or cushion, the gentle rise and fall of your breath. Acknowledge any thoughts or emotions that may arise, but don't get caught up in them. Simply observe them and let them drift away like clouds across a vast sky.
Now, gently invite awareness of fear. Imagine fear as a sensation in your body. Is it a tightness in your chest, a flutter in your stomach, a knot in your throat? Notice its presence without judgment.
Silently acknowledge the fear. Say to yourself, "I am feeling fear." This simple act can create space between you and the emotion.
Ask yourself with curiosity: "What is this fear trying to tell me?" Perhaps it's a fear of failure, a fear of the unknown, a fear of getting hurt. There's often a message hidden within fear.
Instead of pushing the fear away, try offering it compassion. Imagine sending a wave of gentle kindness towards the fearful part of yourself. You might silently say, "It's okay to feel afraid. Fear is a natural part of being human."
Visualize yourself facing what you fear. See yourself taking a small step forward, or imagine a safe haven where you can approach your fear with curiosity.
Remember, courage doesn't mean the absence of fear. It means acting in spite of it. You can choose courage even when you're afraid.
Cultivation:
Mind-Body Check-In: Throughout the day, take a moment to pause and ask yourself:
Physically: How is my body feeling? Is there tension in my muscles, a racing heart, or sweaty palms? These can be signs of fear.
Emotionally: Do I feel anxious, worried, or threatened? Naming these emotions can be the first step to understanding their source.
Appreciation:
Think about your emotions as a rich and complex symphony. Each emotion, from joy to sadness, fear to anger, plays a unique role in creating the melody of your life.
For today's gratitude reflection, choose one emotion that you don't typically feel gratitude for. We’re going to focus on fear.
Reflect on a recent situation where you experienced this emotion. Describe the situation and how your body felt.
Now, consider the purpose this emotion might serve. Did it alert you to a potential danger? Did it motivate you to take action? Did it help you connect with someone else's experience?
Express gratitude for this emotion, even if it's uncomfortable. Thank it for the message it brought you and the way it helps you navigate the world.
By practicing gratitude for all your emotions, even the unpleasant ones, you can gain a deeper appreciation for the richness of your inner world.
Super timely reflection for me, Mike. Just last Tuesday I had to say out loud for others to hear that the things I’ve got coming up at work are not lions. They are not going to eat me. I had to put my feet in the floor and let the ground remind me that I am safe. Just writing these words has filled my eyes with tears and my body with anxiety. Fear does have something to teach us but it can be hard to know what that is. Thanks for prompting me to approach it with curiosity.