Quote:
“The dark does not destroy the light; it defines it. It's our fear of the dark that casts our joy into the shadows.” ~Brené Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection
My Thoughts:
I’ve been invited to participate in the Conscious Awakening Conference in February. It’s going to be a wonderful event where we discuss the intersection of mental health, spirituality, and psychedelics. Now, between you and me, I do not have a ton of experience with psychedelics…so I am approaching this event from a different angle than some of the other presenters. The title of my talk is “No Longer Afraid of the Dark”, and I believe that it captures the heart of what Brené Brown is communicating in this quote.
Any artist will tell you that the presence of dark and shadow, negative space, or discordant tones and hues only makes the light more vibrant. This matches up with my philosophy regarding spiritual bypassing.
Have you heard of that term?
It was coined by John Welwood in his classic book, Toward a Psychology of Awakening. In it he defines spiritual bypassing as using “spiritual ideas and practices to sidestep personal, emotional ‘unfinished business,’ to shore up a shaky sense of self, or to belittle basic needs, feelings, and developmental tasks.”
Basically, it’s the act of dismissing the hard shit we encounter and, in doing so, maneuvering around the hard but necessary work of managing our emotions rather than ignoring opportunities for self improvement.
How do we see spiritual bypassing out in the wild?
Have you heard these gems?
“Good vibes only!”
“Raise your vibration/frequency!”
“I don’t see color,” or “All lives matter!”
Or perhaps it’s merely the notion that any emotion, but especially hard and challenging ones, are wrong and unhelpful.
None of these gliblets (trademark pending) are really informative or helpful. They each, in their own way, turn a blind eye to the very real issues that many (especially within marginalized communities) experience day after day. More often than not these pithy sayings are used to dismiss and disconnect from the human heartache and struggle right in front of them.
Our “fear of the dark” as Dr. Brown states, is what steals us of our joy.
Kahlil Gibran, who we heard from in our week 2 entry, says in his poem “On Joy and Sorrow” writes,
There is a relationship between dark and light that is inseparable. Without an appreciation of the dark our lives become a sun faded polaroid of a childhood memory with no clear definition, emotion, or reason for being.
Intention:
“Today I will live my life with the courage to embrace the wholeness of my emotional landscape, light and dark alike.”
Meditation:
In the mindfulness community there is a popular acronym for an approach to consideration of any situation, good or bad alike: RAIN.
Recognize what is happening.
Allow the experience or emotion to be present, just as it is.
Investigate with interest, care, and curiosity, not judgment.
Nurture with self-compassion.
This approach is a wonderful way to pause and meditate when we are confronted with shadow moments. As my favorite Football Coach and guru Ted Lasso says, “Be curious, not judgmental.1”
Cultivation:
Have you ever done something artistic that required you to break something in order to be able to create it? Like a broken tile mosaic? These types of crafts and moments of creativity can be incredibly cathartic and beautiful! Or perhaps something less physical, you can make a collage of bits and pieces of magazines or pictures.
Oftentimes the beauty of a broken thing used well is transformative.
Appreciation:
I’m going to offer a suggestion here. Shadow work can be hard, even impossible at times, if we are confronted with trauma that we have not properly worked through. If that is the case, and you are able, please reach out to your mental health professional or your General Practitioner to give you advice or a referral.
If you are in a place where you can work on shadow in a safe way, I invite you to do this very simple exercise.
When confronted with a challenging and/or negative thought or emotion take a moment to recognize it (as described above in RAIN model). If you are a writer, keep a journal with you, if not then open up your audio note app on your phone. Go through the RAIN method, no editing or censoring yourself is allowed. This is not the moment to question WHY it is merely a way to mindfully observe what is happening in the moment.
The real exercise is later.
Later that day, or week, or month you’re going to go back and read/listen to these entries. You will likely notice that some of the emotions have not stuck with you, you were able to observe and honor them without claiming them. This is growth. Others might still be lingering. This is where we might take some time to really understand why. Is there something in me that is making this more personal? Does this issue uncover a part of me that I don’t like? Show yourself some compassion and empathy in the moment, not judgment. Imagine you are listening to a friend that is unburdening themselves to you, and act accordingly. We often find compassion for others, where we rarely are able to do that for ourselves.
He attributes this quote in S1E8 “The Diamond Dogs” to Walt Whitman. This is unsubstantiated.