I am moved and have big appreciation for the way you deliver your story. The way you speak your heart. The way you speak with vulnerability. This speaks to my entire soul. I have found myself in similar situation with identity and unraveling so much of my thinking and belief systems, unraveling trauma so I can heal it. And trying to currently rewrite my own stories at least for my own well being. I also love the way you describe yourself as a pastor. Without a church. Because a church doesn’t need walls. Just needs souls willing to show up, listen, be willing to see things differently, support others, and expressing love and gratitude not out of well of fear and obligation but out of an overflowing well of love. I truly find your words and the way you mind unpacks things fascinatingly refreshing. I think you genuinely have something here - and with or without walls it’s not religion in itself that any of us need. We just need faith and hope that we are worthy of being loved, that we actually aren’t inherently flawed we’re just souls in human suits trying to navigate this world figuring things out along the way. To pretend one religion has all the answers feels foolish to me though for much of my own life it sure seemed simpler. I wanted so hard to believe the black and white and to fit in and thought if I just follow enough of these rules and fill enough of these roles then surely that’s the playbook for success. definitely wasn’t the playbook for happiness It left me feeling uncertain and unraveling belief systems while not everything has to be discarded, there are alot of harmful and shame inducing messages in even in more contemporary churches that claim to be all accepting - yet still so much of it just feels like a forced level of beliefs we accept in exchange for our own unwillingness to ask hard questions. It was hard for me for a long time to not feel betrayed when I started feeling like I was taught to believe things that weren’t entirely true. Religion is a convenient way for some people to put themselves, others, and their problems in a box and while it may be helpful to be able to trust and hope and connect, how much are we limited by still holding ourselves up and saying no matter what no matter how good or how bad you are you just accept this set of beliefs right here. Sign here. And yep your good for eternity. I just think that while it works for many people and I do believe it is convenient for many. I do feel like it does a huge disservice for any religion to think that they are the end all be all truth and have all the answers. That’s the biggest red flag. If you can’t appreciate the commonalities and see the patterns between religions I feel like you are missing out on a huge opportunity to experience the vastness of our universe and the magic it contains. Got wordy - sorry not sorry - got some good thoughts thinking tonight and it’s funny because I was remembering what I miss most about the days when I was in church and it was the music and connection and energy that was in a room of people in gratitude, communion, and receptivity. I always had fantasies of like hey can I just cut out after praise and worship and take me and my music and my God and that relationship my way —- and not have it with a side of one way thinking that felt littered with messages that induced fear of being left behind, fear mongering, and obligation. I could go on and I wasn’t even in a super conservative church. Thank you again. I’m l sure I will be reading the rest of the things you have written !
Also. y’all is the most essential of all the Texas vernacular :). We have y’all. Tacos. Barbecue. All we need now is more of us showing up having more brave conversations, writing and sharing our perspective. All the AI in the world doesn’t compare to our souls ability to keep recalibrating. Keep learning as humans and coming up with fresh perspectives and being brave enough to share them with other humans. Love this good writing gets me all jazzed ! 🤓
Just now reading this after a VERY busy week. So sorry to have not responded until now. Thank you SO MUCH for your kind words and encouragement. I appreciate that energy very much and hope you are well!
I am moved and have big appreciation for the way you deliver your story. The way you speak your heart. The way you speak with vulnerability. This speaks to my entire soul. I have found myself in similar situation with identity and unraveling so much of my thinking and belief systems, unraveling trauma so I can heal it. And trying to currently rewrite my own stories at least for my own well being. I also love the way you describe yourself as a pastor. Without a church. Because a church doesn’t need walls. Just needs souls willing to show up, listen, be willing to see things differently, support others, and expressing love and gratitude not out of well of fear and obligation but out of an overflowing well of love. I truly find your words and the way you mind unpacks things fascinatingly refreshing. I think you genuinely have something here - and with or without walls it’s not religion in itself that any of us need. We just need faith and hope that we are worthy of being loved, that we actually aren’t inherently flawed we’re just souls in human suits trying to navigate this world figuring things out along the way. To pretend one religion has all the answers feels foolish to me though for much of my own life it sure seemed simpler. I wanted so hard to believe the black and white and to fit in and thought if I just follow enough of these rules and fill enough of these roles then surely that’s the playbook for success. definitely wasn’t the playbook for happiness It left me feeling uncertain and unraveling belief systems while not everything has to be discarded, there are alot of harmful and shame inducing messages in even in more contemporary churches that claim to be all accepting - yet still so much of it just feels like a forced level of beliefs we accept in exchange for our own unwillingness to ask hard questions. It was hard for me for a long time to not feel betrayed when I started feeling like I was taught to believe things that weren’t entirely true. Religion is a convenient way for some people to put themselves, others, and their problems in a box and while it may be helpful to be able to trust and hope and connect, how much are we limited by still holding ourselves up and saying no matter what no matter how good or how bad you are you just accept this set of beliefs right here. Sign here. And yep your good for eternity. I just think that while it works for many people and I do believe it is convenient for many. I do feel like it does a huge disservice for any religion to think that they are the end all be all truth and have all the answers. That’s the biggest red flag. If you can’t appreciate the commonalities and see the patterns between religions I feel like you are missing out on a huge opportunity to experience the vastness of our universe and the magic it contains. Got wordy - sorry not sorry - got some good thoughts thinking tonight and it’s funny because I was remembering what I miss most about the days when I was in church and it was the music and connection and energy that was in a room of people in gratitude, communion, and receptivity. I always had fantasies of like hey can I just cut out after praise and worship and take me and my music and my God and that relationship my way —- and not have it with a side of one way thinking that felt littered with messages that induced fear of being left behind, fear mongering, and obligation. I could go on and I wasn’t even in a super conservative church. Thank you again. I’m l sure I will be reading the rest of the things you have written !
Also. y’all is the most essential of all the Texas vernacular :). We have y’all. Tacos. Barbecue. All we need now is more of us showing up having more brave conversations, writing and sharing our perspective. All the AI in the world doesn’t compare to our souls ability to keep recalibrating. Keep learning as humans and coming up with fresh perspectives and being brave enough to share them with other humans. Love this good writing gets me all jazzed ! 🤓
Just now reading this after a VERY busy week. So sorry to have not responded until now. Thank you SO MUCH for your kind words and encouragement. I appreciate that energy very much and hope you are well!